Spend less time chasing people and more time chasing your dreams. -Unknown
We’ve all done it. We let our egos convince us that we were meant to be with someone even though all of the signs pointed otherwise.
The sooner we come to realize that love is an opportunity and not an obligation, the closer we will be to discovering what true love really is.
The problem is that many of us become so attached to the idea of being with a particular person that we lose site of what it is we are looking for in a particular relationship.
What we really all want is true intimacy, to be known, to feel secure, and most of all, to be ourselves. We want to feel a bond. We want to be with someone who makes it feel safe to share our feelings and who feels just as safe to share theirs. We want someone who is emotionally open and honest. We want to feel understood, respected, and admired. We want someone who encourages us to grow as a person and who also wants to improve themselves.
Chances are, if you are chasing after someone, you aren’t feeling any of those things. A lot of people like to play the push/pull game in relationships. They only give us attention when we pull back, and if we give love or attention back, then they pull back. Is this the kind of relationship you truly want?
Yes, sometimes it will be hard to give up a person you have developed feelings for, but if a loving relationship is what you are looking for, start looking at how that person relates. Look at their actions. Start noticing how you feel when you are around them.
Do you feel safe enough to fully be yourself? If you aren’t feeling good, it’s a lot kinder and more self-respecting to realize you aren’t getting what you need and to step away and stop chasing love.
How To Stop Chasing Love
The best way to do this is to heal ourselves from our own pain from the past. When we do inner work on ourselves, we will also see people for who they really our rather than our projections on them.
We can also bring the same qualities we would bring to a love relationship to all of our relationships. So many people long for that one person to understand them, or to really get to know them, or to grow with.
You don’t have to wait for a relationship to share these qualities with someone. The next time you have dinner with your friends, put away your phone and really get to know them. Don’t just talk about superficial events. Talk about the events of each other’s hearts.
If you bring intimacy to your everyday relationships, you won’t be so quick to latch on to the first person who comes along and gives you a little attention. When you do meet someone you are attracted to, you can be a better observer of their actions and not just an observer of the crush you have on them. You can take the time to see if they are someone who shows up not just for you, but also in life.
And the last thing you can do is trust. The love you want will show up. This is love’s promise to us. But, you very well could be missing it by chasing after the very thing that isn’t love at all.
Featured Photo Credit: bored-now via Compfight cc
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I love the part about ‘put away your phone’. Technology is really interfering with relationships. I’ve been told that I was on my phone/computer etc. to much, and now I see it in the reverse. Love will show up, we just have to be present to see it.
Yes, that is so true. It’s sad how many people use the excuse that social media connects them to others, meanwhile they ignore the people right in front of them!
Thoughtful post! So true that when you work on yourself and your happiness first, the rest will fall into place naturally. Thanks for sharing!
So many true statements. I didn’t realize that my phone and social media were creating such anxiety that manifested in my everyday interactions. I felt crazy!
it is hard to hold faith that everything falls into place but it really is true.